well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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