Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
