The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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