gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
