Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
