So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
