i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
