im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
