Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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