She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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