I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My pussy is not your playground.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.