My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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