i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
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tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
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you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)