She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate