I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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