I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice