Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
