so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
