my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
