I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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