How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My friends, they love my intelligence
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
