Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
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It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
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What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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