hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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