Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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