I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
