does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
i out mim tonsoeep
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