I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
