Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
