there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
