i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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