You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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