Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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