when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
as a side note pls kill me
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