My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
