The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
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I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
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Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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