hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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