At least make sure they are 18
Why
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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