I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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