An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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