i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
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I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
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I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize