Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Randomize
