My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
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It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
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lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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