A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
