Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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