I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
operation have a gay friend backfired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Even my vagina gasped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize