Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
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