Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
So vagazzling was a success
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
