Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just high enough for therapy.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
