How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
