someone get that fucking seahorse.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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