WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
