yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
