Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
