Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
