If i come over, it means nothing
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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