I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
