I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
