So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
