She's JV to your varsity
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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