Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Randomize
