So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
