i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
