Whod you bang
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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