If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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