I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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