a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
