If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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