When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
