Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
