I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
