when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
