Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
