Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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