we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
