i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
