I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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