first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
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I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
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My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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