i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
