I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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